Monday, January 23, 2006

to...

there is beauty...
in the night...
in our dreams...
in our troubles...
in our pain...
amidst the chaos...
and the burgeoning troubles...
amassing all the time...
Sometimes we ought to let go of our troubles...
sometimes we ought to just take in whatever is coming our way with a brave face...
sometimes we have to meditate within...
sometimes we have to sheath our soul...
sometimes we can doubt our existence...
our shoddy imagination can go awry...
there are times when we need to remind ourselves that we are here for a reason...
that we ought to appreciate the beauty prevalent...
that we ought to take in as much of it as we can...
sometimes we ought to remind ourselves that life is how we etch it...
true life boasts of colors...
of unspoken horizons...
of the alternative angles...
but life is what you make of it...
how you infer...
how you decipher...
how you interpret...
life exists amongst us...
there is a world within our world...
we ought to lighten it...
we ought to decorate it like a Christmas tree...
which is why festivals are so important...
they are a snap back to reality...
sometimes we ought to thank the janitors...
to the people who are here on our beck and call...
sometimes its important to just say thankyou...
sometimes its important to say 'i'm sorry'...
to me life is about travelling...
life is about meditating by the river...
solitude amidst the forests...
standing on the tallest peak and crying out loud...
to me its about peeking at the monks...
droppin in on the buddhists...
visiting the temples and the altars...
the landscape may change...
but the thought doesnt...
from the mosques to the church...
from kosher to hilal...
life is about music...
life is like a symphony which has a bandwidth...
it follows it...
it playfully curves...
has its ups and downs...
and comes to rest...
eventually...
life is like the beat of the african drums...
its like ecstasy...
like nirvana...
you have to tune in...
to the pitch...
the band...
the symphony...
the focal point...
connect the soul...
and the spirit...
link it with your heart...
beckon your nerves...
intuitively caution your fears...
fly...
to the moon...
to the stars...
they await...
sit back and enjoy a nice meal in an uninhibited valley...
dance in the african savannas...
amidst the wielding Alps...
and the arty Andes...
by the Hudson Bay...
in a chateau in France...
to the nightingales in Florence...
from the frozen landscape deemed RUSSIA...
to the brazen Himalayas...
enjoy the ride...
revvvv it up...
heave it in...
and someday you would know that you have lived...
INDEED you have...

Sunday, January 22, 2006

to the future...

the beginnings of an end...
vestiges of a civilization...
remnants of a memory...
rudimentary road less travelled...
the tranquil lanes within...
the levies which bound us...
the rye that propels you...
the haste that rides upon you...
the lust for power...
the pleasure of pain...
the rape of a soul...
the workings of the devil...
the manifestoes of the rich...
the silent pleads of the poor...
the perfect rotundity of the circle...
the callous workings of the human mind...
the selfish relentless pursuits of money...
the monetary facet of our existence...
of our relations...
the circle keeps growing on us...
while darkness spreads upon us...
the dawn of purity just never reaches us...
all our lives...
we pass off in haste...
amidst hunger for power...
there was a time...
when dreams were operable...
where there were no selfish motives...
where innocense was prevalent...
the childhood arena...
the dilemma of being OLD...
being an adult...
being educated...
all those realms...
that we achieved...
the dreams walked away...
the visions deserted...
innocense was raped...
amidst the chaos...
there was me...
there is NO ME...
i pose...
i pass off...
i smile...
i tactfully skip...
and skim...
all those time...im chasing away from my own self...
i am my own prisoner...
locked in my own prison...
by my own soul...
there will be a time...
where the torment shall not be...
the pain will subside...
the wounds will heal...
and i will b there...
walking by...
with you in my arms...

my sacrifice...

there was a light...
there was a ray...
there was a niche...
there was the circle...
there was an urge...
there was...
a Messiah...
who cured...
who healed...
who gave birth to life...
who trampled upon death...
yet there he lay...
weak and dying...
The world hath no Messiah...
the world was too busy plundering...
was too busy sinning...
sometimes look around...
appreciate the beauty...
the rustling of the leaves...
the chirps of the birds...
how they excitedly point at the miracle that we deem life...
the beginnings of a new day...
a new hope...
the dawning of a new christening...
rendering of the gods...
sometimes we need to delve in...
walk on the snow covered grass bare feet...
know the cold...let it penetrate...
it would enlighten your soul...
it would cleanse you...
notice the amputated man...
the man who silently lies there in an asylum knowing he's sane...
know the suffering of a man who's son turned his back when he was in a fragile state...
the man who hath not known love...
no family...
no emotions...
no feeling of being wanted...
a rich man is not a rich man...
a poor man is not a poor man...
a carpenter aint a carpenter...
a banker aint just a banker...
notice the roles...
the bigger picture...
the reason...
look at a young child who hath neve known the magic of books...
he is the garbage collector...
the newspaper boy...
the workshop boy...
he never knew bliss...
sometimes it is important to know pain...
sometimes it is important to experience it...
to explore it...
to alleviate yourself to the next spiritual level...
deny yourself...
walk in the dark...
walk in the mist...
walk in the eerie forests...
just walk...
empty streets...
deploring alleys...
that to me is life...
the essence...
pain me...
HELLLLLLLLLLLLLLL please...
beat me...
hate me...
ridicule me...
cruxified...
nailed...
but one day...
i shall be out there...
and your chains that clasp me will not be...
you will be rotten and your faeces will be feasted upon...
that day...
will be my day...
my life...
my existence...

Friday, January 20, 2006

Sometimes...

sometimes we need our little space...
right now my writing may seem very very confused and the reason is because i am overwhelmed by the amount of ideas and notions that are currently STUCK UP in my head...
largely thanks to no internet as i was travelling...
Eid...
and that too the meat festival...
for muslims eid is a symbolic festival to mark a point of time in history where Prophet Abraham was ordained to sacrifice his son...
We happen to take it in literal terms and the show of cattle is a show of affluence and status...
HOW WONDERFUL :)
its a time to trash your cities...
its a time to show off your state of the art COW etc...
its a time to send meat to the more influential ones in your circle...
what happened to the poor?
hahahahahahahahaha...u losers...
what becomes of them...NOTHING...
but the poor are richer than us...
they yield the power...
the power to decipher and infer...
a power to realise...
to find meanings of their existence...
Eid my friends...is not about eating like hogs...
its like about the meat and the money which goes into the lavish dinners...
its about the feeling deep down inside...
its about the inner soul...
but where art our inner souls?
no sire...
we prefer to party...
we prefer to drink...
booze and latinos...
perfect combination...
is there a home...when you get mugged in your own neighbourhood...
is it a fraternity if your on your own...
is there a brotherhood if you have to protect your back...
are there friends...
when you seem to be hungry...
are there bonds, when you hopelessly lunge around in the shady parts of your town looking for a way to survive...
this is to all those who judge...
to all those who are so cocksure of themselves...
this is to those arrogant ones who seem as if they own the whole earth...
this is to those fartheads who look down on the poor...
who think they are cool because they have the latest in gadgetery...
who feel that they are somehow better because they get french manicures...
DUDES U SUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK...
this is to those who stood up...
who faced their excruciating circumstances...
stayeth beneath the lamp posts in a deserted street reading...
this is to those who made a difference...
sometimes we can change...
it is in us...
we just need to exploit...
and let go of the materialistic half...
sometimes its nice to travel by public transport...
sometimes its good to have no money in your pocket...
sometimes it nice to be somewhere where your a complete alien...
sometimes...
SOMETIMESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS...

the song of life...

there were the colors...
the colors of life...
the colors of activity...
the colors of mayhem...
the colors of pandemonium...
sometimes when i am not able to write...
i feel imprisoned within...
i feel i was wastin away...
like an addict on heroin...
like a man on a woman...
like a sportsman on football...
the infatuation...
like Romeo and Juliet...
like Julius upon Caesar...
history hath known to teach...
dogs arent a man's best friend...
time and history are...
there have been times...
times when i doubted...
times when ma faith was let down...
times when i couldnt foresee...
times when i felt enslaved...
and then...
FREEDOM...
to all those who have read my writings...
i am a mere mortal...
who probably just expresses for the sake of it...
to free my inner soul...
to obtain the inertia and equilubrium...
for a life that is otherwise troubled and very uncouth...
to humans who feast upon humans...
to brothers who annihilate their own siblings...
to the money that hath not belonged to anyone since yonder...
to the properties which contain the faeces of their owners...
there was pain and anguish in the church...
there was upheaval amongst the ranks...
because though we might deem ourselves to be Mr Know it All's...
we really arent...
the dilemma continues...
i sped by...
somehow...

Saturday, January 07, 2006

to me...alwaysssssss

"The Reason"

I'm not a perfect person
There's many things I wish I didn't do
But I continue learning
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is you

I'm sorry that I hurt you
It's something I must live with everyday
And all the pain I put you through
I wish that I could take it all away
And be the one who catches all your tears
Thats why i need you to hear

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is You [x4]

I'm not a perfect person
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is you

I've found a reason to show
A side of me you didn't know
A reason for all that I do
And the reason is you

whenever u hate me...
just know this...
that etched in these words is my soul...
which pleads...
which decries...
which loves...
which cares...
and knowing all this...
if u smile...
just a little...
and your pouty lips tremble...
and your sneaky eyes glimmer...
and your dimples deepen...
lemme lose maself...


Eid mubarak to everyone...

Tuesday, January 03, 2006

abrupt notions...

this goes out to all those people who just let it be...
to people who silently suffered...
to people who never gave up...
to people who stood fast in the face of challenges...
who never lost hope...
this is for the fireman who saved a life...
this is for a policeman who saved an old woman from being mugged...
this is to a child who stood up for his mother...
this is for a widow who raised her children as good human beings...
this is to death for always hallowing us and urging us to make our life worth it...
this is to those who reached out...
who were steadfast...
death is a harrowing experience which can tame the unruly and the obstinate...
which can mellow down a tycoon...
which can sadden a tyrant...
which can humble an oppressor...
it is D E A T H...
the stench...
in all its awraic glory...
the fervor...
the longetivity...
the pain...
the spirit which moans...
which roars...
the pandemonium...
amidst all the pulchritudinous valleys...
and the Brobdingnagian exterior that we portray...
there were times...
when there was no light...
there was no existence...
there was an essence...
just a feeling...
tonight as i sit...
i feel the night gaping at my insides...
trying hard to penetrate...
i know why a wolf howls...
i know why a bird chirps...
i know why the lion roared...
why the hyaenas feast...
why the vultures wolf...
why the ants prey...
the circle seems perfect...
blurry at the hinges...
but it moves in on me...
closer...
closer still...
i can feel it...
gnawing...
pawing...
i want to smile...
i want to fake it...
i want to act...
i want to falsify...
i want to be a stick...
carved into furniture...
i want to be a rose that hath not known its destiny...
i want to be a catterpillar and wield my time to others...
if i put a smile back on your face...
i know id have lived...
id know...
deep deep down...
that it wasnt worthless after all...

Monday, January 02, 2006

to the rainy nights and the starry skies...



sometimes we can conveniently walk by...
we choose to ignore...
we etch our own fates and blame it on stars...
we sin and abhorr our horoscopes...
we kill and credit the excruciating circumstances...
we plunder, we loot, we prey...
no one is safe...
not our sisters, nor our mothers, nor our daughters, nor our soul mates...
we learnt to disrespect a long time back...
once in a while it doesnt harm to close your lights...
it doesnt hurt to prowl...
to draw the real lines...
lie down in your bed...
ever felt there was a niche within when there was absolutely no electricity...
ever felt you were on top of the world and yet there was something missing...
ever yearned for it but never gotten it...
were you standing there amidst the snow and you were left standing...
ever been deserted in a desert...ironic...
ever been moored on a virgin island...
ever known pain and anguish...
ever lost a beloved one...
ever known fear...
ever tasted death...
ever wandered around amidst the faeces which corrupt you...
ever visited the murkier passages...
ever wanted to but couldnt...
if you haven't...
then you wouldn't know...
then you wouldn't feel...
then you wouldn't cry...

i sit here.
here.
why here.
i brood.
Time haunts me.
It fiddles with me.
i am painfully aware of my mortal existence.
it doesnt scare me anymore.
i sometimes look around and the familiar faces i see aren't visible.
The spectrum that i am inhibed by...isn't truly there...
what i see is not true...
what i feel isn't either...
i profess to believe...
but i act like i dont...
i feel as if i was possessed...
but i am not...
why this vivacious circle...
the circle which corrupts...
which sins...
the rain...
steadily continues...
purifies...condescends a feeling of chastity...
i want to runaway...
i want to be there...
in a land where there are no manifestos...
where there are no killings...
where there are no politics...
where there are no players...
where i can be...
close to U...
and thank You...
tonight i will go...
somewhere far...
so that i can appreciate...
and talk to You...
You dont meet me in these cities...
amidst these buildings...
amidst the chaos and pandemonium...
You have deserted me...
but i shall believe in ' Perseverance commands success'...
Someday you would know too...

Sunday, January 01, 2006

Happy new year to me...



Do not fear going forward slowly, fear only to stand still...

They say ignorance is bliss. I feel otherwise. Blog i am sorry for being ignorant. This was partly because i wasnt home and i cant write under prying eyes...i need to vent out myself within my own spectrum...
sometimes you need to be there...
sometimes you need to feel...
sometimes you have to give in...
sometimes you have to let go...
sometimes you have to falter...
sometimes you have to lose...
sometimes you have to cry...
sometimes you have to be...
sometimes you have to sucuumb...
sometimes you have to gather yourself...
sometimes you have to...
just have to...
New year...huh.
New beginning!!!
concentrate N E W beginning...hahahahahahahaha
time for drunkards to lie low and prowl...to be free and drunk...
time for the rich to party...
time for the poor to recoil...
time for the players to pimp around...
time for the gurls to look good...
why the anxiety?
why the exhiliration?
why the wannabe-ism?
why?
for me new year was just another year which had gone down the drain. Two days spent with my best friend while ignorin others...i felt selfish yet i couldnt help it...
my life remains a mystery and id rather keep it that way...for reasons best known to some motherfucker who resides in my head...
i want to be happy...
i want to be free...
i want to goooooooo...
i want to breathe...
i want to love...
but something...somewhere...wouldnt let me...
maybe my Lord wouldnt let me...
i see people...
impatient...materialistic...ambitions...proud...while i stand there...
in a nook...
in a corner...
in a murky passage...
in another land...
far far away...
where there was no one but me...
sometimes i pretend to fall asleep...
i want to fool my conscience...
so that i can pry...
so that i can explore...
i take in so much...i cant pain people...
neither can i stand witness to it...
i want answers but my questions wouldnt let go...
i am bounded when id rather be free...
i am in clasps when id rather be soaring...
i am lost when id rather be well on my way...
i am alone when id rather be with her...
that is my life...
i play with myself so that you wouldnt know...