Wednesday, December 28, 2005

to you



some wrote anonymously...this christmas...

i miss the days when my brothers and i were best friends...
another wrote amidst pain and a feeling of being incomplete:

i still christmas shop for you even though you are gone...

and i sat there...crying...
i could feel the pain...
it felt as if it was breathing down my throat...
i knew sorrow...
for a moment it felt as if everything had stopped...
the world experienced a pause...
there were some who hath escaped...
there was an artist who frantically wanted to capture one last shot...
of such serenity and peace...
at great personal risk...
there was a war time reporter...
who never knew anything but death and fear...
there was a poet...
whose alacrity from current affairs was more visible now...
i dont know why i was there...
i gate-crashed...
i wanted to...
sometimes i really want to...but i cant...
sometimes i cant but i really want to...
sometimes i can but i cant...
sometimes i cant but i can...
sometimes i should but i couldnt
sometimes i could but i wouldnt
sometimes i am...
othertimes i aint...
who...how...where...when...
BLANK...

my dedication...




'i want to beg you oh man, as much as i can, to be patient towards all that is unsolved in your heart and to try to love the questions themselves like locked room, like a melodic symphony,and like books which are written in a very foreign language. Do not seek the answers, which cannot be given to you because you would not be able to live them.
And the point is to live everything.
Live the questions now.
Perhaps you will then gradually without noticing it, live along some distant day into the answer.'
There is a man...when the whole world is fast asleep...he wakes up...
he acknowledges the Higher Existence...
Oam...Allah...God...
Why man why?
you so powerful.
you so immortal.
you so mean.
you so rich.
you so arrogant.
you so stubborn.
you so proud.
Why man Why?
That man then heads to his fields...
appreciates dawn...
Why?
because he can see the replenished earth...
free from sins...
free from pain...
there is God...
EVERYWHERE...
he steps on a blade of grass...
the dew drops make love to it...
that blade is treasured...
We arent...
he walks on frozen ice...
ice: protector of that blade...
why you scared man?
Got no friends ehhhhh?
got your brother on your case ehhhh?
got a daddy who doesnt know ehhhh?
got a mommy who emphasizes too much?
got a sister who has moved ahoy?
He moves...
ice gnaws at him...
but the man stealthily moves...
his heart is adrift...
his senses are recovering...
there is light...
he feels it...
it is the light which hath been taken at night...
when evil was born...
the nightrider...
the light...i see light...
the man is sheltered by it...
yet there is dark...
then he knows...
the light he sees is his own...
aura...
he walks to his beloved fields...
his wife never conceived...
he never complained...
he knew his duty was larger than life...
not just individuals...
mankind at large...
he toiled hard...
because he was the farmer...
not superman....
not batman...
not spiderman...
but a farm man...
while the world worshipped falsified hero...
he was the unsung hero...

vision...




pictures are immortal...
they exude power...
they are my underlying theme...
they reflect what goes on...
mornings...uggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhh...
i always was nocturnal...
prowling suits me...
the darkness...
the peace...
the moonlit plains...
the starry skies...
there is so much...
i see people who arent humans...
i see houses which arent homes...
i see acquaintances and not relationships...
i see you but i dont see me...
i know you but not me...
i love u and not me...
the circle is moving in...
its a fleeting image...
ladies and gentlemen...i have a long weekend...
which means more time to write...
to be...
to profess...
i walked into an asylum and they evicted me...
i was too insane...
i walked into a church and they brushed me aside...
i wasnt religious enough...
i walked into a bistro...
they didnt wanna see me...
i was bad for business...
why is the world so cruel...
why dont they feel pain...
let the tears flow...
cleanse thy souls...
otherwise...
before u know it...
it will end...
dont hate me...
i'm not worth it...

Tuesday, December 27, 2005

my love



and so was the state of my heart...i burned and i BURNED...
the flames gently caressed me...swallowed me...the fiery red hot fire finally had me cornered...there was no escape...
then i saw it...
the eerie dungeon...
the dampness and the cold...
my body was charred...
my heart knew not pain...
my mouth was convoluted...
i was in anguish and yet there was a serenity about me...
peace i hath not known...
i tore at my limbs...
the mortality hath been breached...
i lay there...
a stranger to my own existence...
nirvana swallowed me...
i was drowning in ecstasy...
i knew not my form...
i had sinned...
i had disobeyed...
i had dared...
to be...
i walk alone...
i dream alone...
sometimes i like to drive with my soul...
we talk...
he's better than me...more reasonable...
more complacent
and yet my human instincts get the better of me...
my ego tells me i am better...
i know better...
stupid ego...
ever known what is it like to stand up on a mountain...
a cliff edge
the demonic seas...
the moors...

you were a memory...
you were a fullstop...
you were a pause...
you were a thought...
but you were...
i wasnt...
that is why i walk away...
A L O N E...
always...

the nothingness within...



There is a lot i want to say...
a lot i want to spill...
a lot i want to confront...
a lot i want to confess...
a lot i want to share...
there are times when i feel like a valcano...
ready to erupt...
sometimes i feel like a fruit...ripe...ready to fall...
sometimes i feel like a bird...ready to fly...
sometimes i feel like a flower...dainty and raped...
there is so much to confront...so much to take in...so much happenin...
i feel that you shouldnt ever pose...
why wait and think?
Why not live the moment...in a princely manner...
why not write and spill what really matters...
why didnt i ever learn to say no?
why didnt i?
Why do i want to?
ever felt like a whir...
ever felt yourself in a vacuum...
ever noticed the little intricasies that make life a little more beautiful...
today...
Zooming in...
there was once a very bad bad boy who was called...Hasssssss...he never called to tell his parents that he would come late...his ego always got the better of him and he couldnt bother asking his friends...he was stubborn and callous...
he felt he knew it all or so they said...
sometimes he was harrassed by life...
other times by death...
and when he lay there...
his emotions would mock him...
there he was...
A man...and yet not quite there...
he tried too hard...
he wanted to be there for others...
and in a way he couldnt open up to others...
he shared their griefs...
he amassed pain...
and gave out love...renewed hope...or so he thought...
he was profusely thankful to the people who added flavor and life...
and yet amidst so many acquaintances...
he had lost himself...somewhere down there...
in the hush hush and pandemonium...
he didnt quite know when or where...
life never cared to notice...

today i woke up...
like all of them...
early in the morning...
mom and dad never cared to notice...
i walked out...
they ought to have thanked their stars...
cant blame them either...
im a pain...
went to my university...my new alma mater...
tried to study...
for a change i entered the LUMS holy site...
L I B R A R Y...
spirits mocked me...
walls poked...
jibed about me...
i walked in...
and i walk out....
in lurch of a new day...
new hopes...
new aspirations...
i pull on my mask back on...
HAPPY...so i am...

Monday, December 26, 2005

desolate pieces...




these are all dangling bits which do not mesh together...
wondered why...
we are like that...we have certain facets which complement...and yet others which totally abhorr each other...sometimes we have to suppress our natural, gutteral instincts...sometimes we have to turn our backs on love...sometimes we have to look normal when we want to erupt...we have to smile when we would rather cry...
times when we are forced to pull up a brave front so that others may not point at us...
life can be so complex or maybe its the way i etch it out...
maybe i am trying too hard...or fancying it...
there are so many battered end...dreary and quiet...drained and devoid...
i want to let go...
i want to smile...
i want to be happy...
i want to be shallow...
just like em...
i am stupid...
i smile...i laugh...i drink...
all to cover up the pain...

This post is dedicated to Faisal...a new entrant...a debutant in my circle...but he just didnt make an entry...glitzy and superfluous...rather he made a bold impression...
Thankyou bro for always being there...in a short while i have stumbled across someone whos a homie for life...
U gave me a reason to smile...
A reason to be...

God bless u...

Sunday, December 25, 2005

Passing vision...





ever tried really hard...to impress upon...to persevere...for namesake...try it...
The disappointment in the aftermath is indeed agonistic and sheer torture.
For a long time i disconnected with myself. Dont know why...though i was in complete harmony with my better half...the spiritual self...
When i write i feel like venting out myself and the lack of audience makes the trip well worth it...
the image portrayed is purer and less egoistic and make belief. I hate people with brawny wives...trophies basically...parading with them in their luxury two doors...
Lets write about my story...the darker innate passages which have blocked the light...and i am withering away without that light...its a cubicle...five by five...
i am a prisoner...
Closed spaces haunt me...
Here i am...living in a house which aint my home...where i am met by cold glances and the shrug of shoulders...Even the dorm people back at my university bond better...
State of my relationships is such that everytime i dare to speak...im asked to kindly pack my bags and leave...hahahahahahahahaha...
i am a stranger in my own world...im mocked upon...my own sanctuary has been set on fire by me...
i am a prisoner who raped his ownself...who massacred his soul...
i am sick of it...i want peace...i want to bring peace...i want to make a difference...
Someday...
Someday...
Someday...
why not today???
Let the journey begin...
It's all a fleeting vision...

The Chosen one...




there is a city...
this is land...
where roots and history hath been recorded...
a city as beautiful as this...probably even this...
there sits...A prostitute...
she's desolute and frowned upon by the married women...
HRRRRRRRRRRMMMMMMMMMPPPPPPPPPPHHHHHHHH...glares...abuses...
This is her story...

For i am the first and the last
I am the venerated and the despised
I am the prostitute and the saint
I am the wife and the virgin
I am the mother and the daughter
I am the arms of my mother
I am barren and my children are many
I am the married women and the spinster
I am the women who gives birth and she
who never procreated
am the consolation for the pain of birth
I am the wife and the husband
And it was my man who created me
I am the mother of my father
I am the sister of my husband
And he is my rejected son
Always respect me
For i am the shameful and the magnificent one

...Hymn to Isis, third or fourth century BC,
discovered in Nag Hammadi...

Need i say more?

Dedicated to the joker and the prostitute...





A long long time ago
I can still remember how that music used to make me
smile
And I knew if I had my chance
That I could make those people dance
And maybe they'd be happy for a while

Did you write the Book of Love
And do you have faith in God above
If the Bible tells you so
Do you believe in rock 'n roll
Can music save your mortal soul
And can you teach me how to dance real slow

Well, I know that you're in love with him
'Cause I saw you dancin' in the gym
You both kicked off your shoes
Man, I dig those rhythm and blues

I was a lonely teenage broncin' buck
With a pink carnation and a pickup truck
But I knew I was out of luck
The day the music died

I started singin'..

Refrain:
Bye-bye, Miss American Pie
Drove my chevy to the levee
But the levee was dry
And them good old boys were drinkin' whiskey and rye
Singin' this'll be the day that I die
This'll be the day that I die

I met a girl who sang the blues
And I asked her for some happy news
But she just smiled and turned away
I went down to the sacred store
Where I'd heard the music years before
But the man there said the music woudn't play

And in the streets the children screamed
The lovers cried, and the poets dreamed
But not a word was spoken
The church bells all were broken
And the three men I admire most
The Father, Son and the Holy Ghost
They caught the last train for the coast
The day the music died

dont know why this song was humming in my mind today...
and this particular image...
reminds me of the Roman Grandeur...
reminds of the gods...notably Zeus and Jupiter...
what is history today?
A joke?
Something that we are fed upon by brutal force...
Casinos resemble the past eras...
We are hypocrites...all ov us...
we sell our bodies behind shrines and such religious enclaves...
we steal and plunder...
we are the pious and the rightful at homes...
we drink and we sin when we are outside...
we complement our existence which is a gift by being in the presence of naked women...
who juggle their asses...
but then...is she a prostitute...
imagine the pain and anguish which is stamped in the eyes of a joker...
who dances...who laughts...concorts funny faces...so that we can laugh...
this is my dedication to that joker...
and that prostitute who makes life liveable and men less savage...
Someday i will walk by such walls...
i want to indulge in civilization...
i want to feel the plight of the earlier man...
i want to make my own spear and feel...
i want to pain on the cave walls...
let me be...

...the unkempt visions...





nature has all the attributes of the Lord...
its magnificense...
its sultry ways...
its enigmatic ways...
the grandeur...
Brobdingnagian valleys...
turbulent weathers...
domineering seas...
cryptic plains...
forbidding deserts...
entwining forests...
they all relay God's grandeur...
Lightening is one such symbol for God's wrath...
Sometimes i just like to listen to the pattering of the rain drops... i prefer to sit back and relax...close my eyes or feast on the weather...the serenity and the silence is indeed breathtaking...
once i used to have a phobia of thunderstorms...something deep down was scared of them...a fear had etched within...i freed myself...and realised that during the course of our lifetimes...we need to free ourselves from our fears by gnawing upon them...by baring our soul against them...
Then we are successful...
Inner self remains to be fulfilled...
The journey continues...
The epic battle rages on...

Saturday, December 24, 2005

the pastures...




night time approaches...notice how staying awake is an endeavour and can easily sap your energy...Lahore...the town i acquaint myself with...where i have grown...where i was bred...the air the atmosphere...
hither come the foggy winters...Saturday night...
Your young and volatile...life seems to kiss your hem...
Today i attended a mehndi...something i havent done since yonder...come to think of it i ended up dancing tooo...
i wanted to be here...not cos of any obligation...
reminds me the best part about a true friendship is the mental correlation and static communication which can mean that there will be numerous occassions when the tongue wouldnt come into play...
I wanted to be there for someone...whos my neighbour...a true compatriot...someone whos grown around me...who's ways have lead me...
He doesnt have a father...brother of three sisters...the youngest and yet i have seen him take charge and assume responsibility since his school days...A gem of a person...sometimes i shudder to imagine how i ever got so lucky to have someone sooo true as my best friend...
Good part is that i ended up dancing alongside him...n hes one of those obstinate mules who wouldnt budge let alone dance...i got the better of him...
i want to be faraway...drivin with the salty breeze caressing me as i tore by...i want to know individuality...i want to know what it feels like to be ure own man...the toil...the sweat of the brow...
i want to sit by the seaside...and read...read to myself...address my soul...

brain teasers...


and then there was one...
the old hath known loneliness...
thus the old and the wizened...
the rick and the poor...
turned to their Lord...
Ever wonder why our elders suddenly become either inane or very very reasonable and mellow...
why do they assuage their fears so...
why the complacency...
why the cursory glances within???
Why is it that they deem themselves complete failures...
was there a vision...?
Happened to Siddharta...
Paulo Coelho became insane...
Herman Hesse wanted to walk away...
What was it?
What truth did they seek so eagerly and religiously...?
The old are supposed to be respected...
this picture is very symbolic of our loneliness...
for me it signifies the absolute end...
The beginnin of a new dawn...and the welcome of a dusk which shall seal their fates forever...
The journey is lonesome and trivial...
T H I N K...

blurry images...


look around and you would appreciate how people drool in front of cameras...
wanna make someone look really stupid...let em pose for u...hahahahahahahahaha...trust me you would get ure money's worth...
we, humans crave attention...
we want to be noticed...
we crave power...
we crave the perks that are attached with it...
we appreciate big labels...
big names...
the more we crave...the shallower we become...the more illogical we sound...
the more important we deem ourselves in our own eyes...
we ought to adapt...
we ought to be flexible...
but but but...we oughtnt lose our inner child...
the child that craves to be a fool...
that wants to floor his parents...
who would make mommy see stars in broad day light...
just let it all be...
and whatever we crave will always be begotten...

beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder...


it goes like...
Look around wonder why
we can live a life that's never satisfied
Lonely hearts troubled minds
looking for a way that we can never find
Many roads are ahead of us
with choices to be made
But life's just one of the
games we play
There is no special way
Make the best of what's given you
everything will come in time
why deny yourself
don't just let life pass you by
like winter in July

Future dreams can never last
when you find yourself still living in the past
Keep moving on to higher ground
looking for the way you thought could not be found
We may not know the reason why
we're born into this world
where a man only lives to die
his story left untold
Make the best of what's given you
everything will come in time
why deny yourself
don't just let life pass you by
like winter in July

And we may not know the reason why
we're born into this world
where a man only lives to die
his story left untold
Make the best of what's given you
everything will come in time
why deny yourself
don't just let life pass you by
like winter in July

...starry nights...passion at its best...your beloved and you...
i feel that if u love someone...u oughtnt let go of it...
its not fair on you or the one u love...
i also believe that you should never turn your back on true love...
because it wouldnt come back to u...
sometimes i feel as if i was enslaved by the night...just like an owl or a bat...
there are times when the notriety of the night enthralls me...sometimes i wanna seek...search...and destroy...
one ought to express...otherwise we are like a valcano...ready to erupt due to an overflow of matter...
Veni Vedi Vinci...
Play the Game...

the glow...the niche


somehow these candles really got to me...they portray so much depth...such fervor and intensity...the glow...the light...the powerful auraic affect...
i felt so lost...i questioned myself...sorta interrogation...i remembered the world's favorite past time...PEACE...
a notion and a redundant concept which has deserted us...nukes on our heads...ready to crush mankind forever...a lasting sleep...
but then maybe we need that silence in all the hubhub where there are no relationships...where sons stand up against their fathers...i do...where daughters think their mothers need a reality check...where brothers despise and cheat on their brothers...
is this life???
is this why we are raised??? Monetary accumulation...
how shallow are we???
Someone tell me...


crossroads...
intersections...
defining moments...
these can surely be teasing...
there were times when i doubted my abilities...when i thought i wouldnt be able to...
be it the school days...to the college hues...to the university blues...
yet somehow i managed...
very scarecely...
just makin it there...
the last to arrive...
sometimes there are times when you have to let go of yourself...when you have to pursue what really matters to you...when you dont have to question your individuality but rather you ought to explore your horizons...
otherwise we would just end up being pitiful bones which never knew their true purpose...
everyday when i wake up...i recognize the freshness...
the ushering of a new era...
i dedicate that day to...
new moments...
new dreams...
new visions...
new goals...
and of all i dedicate em all to my Creator...who hath given me the reason and the ability to be...
i thankyou for the chance...

A true legend



Muhammad Ali
Floating, stinging, punching, prophesying, he transformed his sport and became the world's most adored athlete...
why is it that there are certain individuals who have this knack to be the centre of attention...what is it about them...what makes them so approachable...
Muhammad Ali...'i look like a butterfly but i sting like a bee...'
Pay close attention...never judge on looks alone...the other person might surprise you and you would regret later on...what matters is depth...intellect...and if the other person can accrue and withstand tests...then u got yourself the rarest commodity in the whole wide world...a true FRIEND...and this goes out to all my friends...who have made me a better human being...who have always been there for me...u rock boyzzzzzzzzzz

bracing myself...


revolutionaries...
sometimes we humans tend to picturize mere mortals as bein otherwise...
i feel that shouldnt be...
they too were young...
they too were silly...
they too were unreasonable...
i feel that greatness comes from within...
excruciating circumstances is an integral tool for those who want to etch their names in history...
sometimes we need to be sure of ourselves...
a saying goes like,'When the going gets tough...the tough get going...'
Sometimes we need to tell ourselves that we can...if they can so can we...
Sometimes we need inspiration...
sometimes we need love...
sometimes we just need to profess...
There are times when we stray...there are times when we act...there are times when we assume...times when we generalize...
we ought to remember who we are...
MAO is one such inspiration...
the means justified the ends...whatever happened in Tiananmen square where numerous Chinese student laid down their lives is preserved in history itself...
sometimes one of us has to take a stance...
to lead...
to rule...
to guide...
be the change that you want to see in this world...

Mr Johnny English



the picture shall speaketh for thyself...
The very last living Don...
hahahahahahahha...
thanks for a good laugh...
sometimes we dont realise what people around us do to make us happy...the obnoxious, outrageous acts done in good faith...
i shall learneth to appreciate...

delving within...


illumination...
of the mind...
of the soul...
of the body...
of the heavenly spirits...
of the Lord...

purity...which cleanses all the evil and bodily lust...
shame...which knows no bounds...
temptation...which knows no limits...
sin...which tempts and indulges...
indulgence...a state of our mind...

we are weak...indecisive...slaves of civilization...all our lives we try pleasing others...and then it all ends...
life is beautiful...even those depressing moments...they shape who we are...experiences make us humane...its a reality check...sometimes its okay to love...to trust...to hug...to hold hands...to be there for someone...to give someone a reason to smile...
is....prayer enough...

attributed to my dreams...



there are times when i want to be free...when i want to be in an alien land...alien surroundings...alien people...alien roads...alien atmosphere...alien rain...alien skies...everything about the place ought to be alienish...a land where people do not judge you...where the social norms do not restrict you...i want to be free....i want to soar...i want to love...i want to just be...i wanna bask...i wanna do so much...sometimes the energy gets the better of me...i want to break free from the chains of humanity...i want to walk away...i want to know freedom...i want to know free will...i want to know God...i want to seek a Higher Existence...sometimes i want to...just want to...dont know what i want...but i do know that i want...someday it might just come back to me...otherwise id know it neve was mine...

i stand proud...



there is gloom in the city...
there is pain in the city...
there is loneliness in the city...
there is stench of death tooo...
there is anguish in the city...
there is the night rider...
the devil within...
which kills...
which shreds...
which entangles in sins...
the city stands...
the buildings stand proud...
the skyline looks down...
then...
there is blood...
there is murder...
there is wrath...
concoction of our ill doings is evident...

remember it aint important if you win or lose...in the end you played the game...i feel that the gods of greeks ought to have fawned on humans...humans are mortals...every second of their existence is made more beautiful because they dont know what is in store...n that is life at its best...the moment spend will never come back...

this goes out to all the notions up in ma head...




fire and water...
notice the correlation...
its like love and hate...
loving and hating at the same time...
crying and laughing at the same time...
praying and sinning at the same time...
lying and abstaining at the same time...
thats just life...
its okay to be a mortal...
its okay to commit mistakes...
Hasan its okay...

who am i...

Ever wondered why...who...when...how...where...sometimes it is important to look at the stars...sometimes it is important to drench yourself in nature...in order to appreciate it...sometimes it is important to pain thyself...sometimes it is imperative to meditate...sometimes we need need to fly...the quest will be...time shall deem us mortals and laugh at us...at our intricasies...complexes...insecurities...
For me pictures are worth a concoction of so many thoughts and emotions that go through me...

sweet memories...



There are times when we tend to be thankless for what we have...typical humanish trait...we whine and want more...but there are times when the nauseous memories of your childhood...your almamater come back to haunt you...you close your eyes...u smell the lunches your mommy made for u...the times when u did crazy shit...this goes out to Aitchison College...AC FOR LIFE...

Last respects...



isnt it amazing how people can achieve what they strive and struggle for their entire lifetimes...Jesus got cruxified...critics are humbled...archrivals unite...amazin what the phenomenon we deem death does to us...

our well defined boundaries...



i feel that sometimes it is imperative to decide where you want to be...sometimes you have to make the hardest calls which are as welldefined as the left turn vs the right turn...the beautiful part is you never know what the outcome maybe...gambling at its very best...