Friday, July 15, 2005

Gawd will i ever learn to be consistent

some ppl like life as it is...all the predictability makes it safer for em...life can be sooooo ironic...like for example all these blogs which are our own intellectual property which we wouldnt ever wanna share with neone else in this whole wide world cos its supposed to be a sorta communication with ure own soul n yet the whole world literally can skim through our minds n tht is indeed scary cos there are surely some facets of thyself which one would like to harbor n nurture underground...now thts a dark thought...on a serious note i dont know why i wanna begin with the recent british tube n bus bombings...i certainly do not appreciate carnages n yet i do abhorr all the persecution which humans have to endure all over the world for actions to which they are certainly not liable n thus it really shook when when i read the other day bout this israeli woman who was settled in london for quite a while n how she was dead scared of bus bombings n ironic as it maybe she was actually a victim of one in the holocaust of the london bombings...sad sad day for all of us...how we can take so many innocent lives n not give it a second thought...as if they are just the order of the day...where is our supposed conscience...how can we be humans when we do not harbor ne kinda feeelings n the only time we care is when our own interests are attacked cos tht is the only rude awakenin in our otherwise selfish lives...wish this world was more like the friendly amazin place it was tht i looked upto as an innocent child before i became an adult n ma innocense was kinda raped forever when everyday i was subjected to the same torture...bombings in bosnia...genocide here...bombs ahoy there...crisis situation in sudan n famines in ethiopia...all those powerful images just did it...seee when i sit down n write there is no bloody pattern cos ma mind is goin completely haywire cos there is so much tht i wanna insribe online...a part of me wants to be sealed forever...its like a pensieve...so again the word 'terrorism' is being voiced all over the world n wht is more ironic for those stupid brainless brits to realise tht how can a person not be as selfish as to not think bout one's own interests in the bigger interests of supposed humanity cos trust me not everyone can lay down their lives for a bigger cause cos for us we always bring in the 'me' factor. dont get me wrong i aint gonna give ne justifications for the loss of innocent lives cos there just aint ne...one thing im sure bout is tht our religion absolutely abhorrs killing innocent humans.
so tht is tht comin to today...sowwie for the long delay couldnt help it...for a long while i couldnt quite figure how would i create ma own blog n all tht jazzz khair tht is now kinda sorted out so i hope to hear more from maself bout so many things tht i aint able to convey...whhh well wouldnt wanna repress ma own self now would i again MEEEEE...so today is a friday a very holy day cos i try to go to the jumma prayers not cos of this inbound duty which im supposed to fulfill but cos i feel really light once i step outside...
n to top it offff i happen to have yet another bloody exam of ma life...though exams are quite trivial whtever mode they may appear in...they will always be unwelcome be it the ones which a gurl may force upon ya ;) or the countless once which those heartless universities may subject upon us...whtever may be...and while im on it i dont know why this line is whirrin in ma head...'try as i may i can never define whts been said between ure heart and mineeeeeeeeeeeeeee...the smile of ure face lets me know tht u need me...'beautiful those words...one may create numerous words n in the end make sense outta it n end up bein a really successful writer but its hard communicating to ure own self in these words n expressin all those remote fears n thoughts which brood deeep inside the crevice of ure brain n all the murky tunnels that exist deep down...so again exams...well ill tell u bout ma preparation...for one its an urdu course n try as i may i do make some sense in the end or atleast id like to fancy tht i do...i have not attended any classes thus i have no idea wht the instructor expects of me...there is also the factor of teacher judgin me regardin the way i am...careless n totally casual not to mention chill to the bone...n last night as i was home alone n ma house was literally a bachelor pad i stayed out n came back in the wee hours of the morning...course Mohaaaa rulzzz n i have absolutely no regrets when i realise i dont know jack bout ma paper...reminds me never regret stufff uve already done yaaar there is no point n its a very futile practice...
ohhh yeah n ive started smokin all over again cos of all the turbulence in ma life which no one can seem to interpret...ahhhh well no point brooding over it cos ill one day be ma own man n im quite sure there...i think tht belief in thyself is absolutely essential...otherwise one wouldnt get very far in life...
ill prolly leave it at tht n try to study for ma paper otherwise id b kicked outta lums so illl sign offf at tht n from next time consistency shallbe the order of the day...till then amigos ma better half ie if i have one...

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wild1 said...
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