the truth...

this time it's special...
this time it's real...
this time it all adds up...
it makes sense...
it's in the air...
the flowers seem to contain it...
the grass hums its own tune...
the birds have never been more melodic...
the trees never greener...
i hear it all around me...
the air whispers it in my ears...
the smile of a stranger suddenly makes sense too...
uncanny really how everything is in complete harmony...
the sky couldn't be bluer either...
and here i am...
in the midst...
at the epicenter...
with a certain someone...
who makes me want to conquer the world...
who makes me want to believe...
who makes me love...
makes me want to be a better person...
be the man i should be...
there are times when i can't seem to tell you...
all these things...
times when i don't quite comprehend the magnitude of what we have...
the scope of our involvement...
the depth of our love...
but i have never felt more secure...
never really wanted to step it up...
to take control...
to tackle and move on...
to stand up...
embrace...
and just be...
for now i can...
because the sun shines with all its glory...
the moon reminds me of you...
this is to a certain someone...
who has made me forget...
everything...
who has healed...
who has reminded me...
the essence of life...
of what it entails...
and i don't ever want to live in a parallel paradigm...
for this is where i belong...
for this is who i am...
for this is where i want to be...
for this is me...
and while all this happens...
all i can say is...
I love you Salwa...
i do...i do...i do...
for what we have is true...
nothing more...nothing less...
Thank you for everything babes!

To Salwa

just sometimes...
you are at a loss...
a loss of words...
a loss of sentiments...
a loss of compassion...
a loss of love...
and yet there you are...
beats me where you came from...
how you dug me out...
how you decided to extend your hand...
and yet...
there is something so amazing about you...
the way you are...
the way you make me feel...
the way it feels so complete...
the way i feel so secure...
it's amazing knowing that you aren't vulnerable...
that there is someone out there...
who's heart skips a beat...
who's heartbeat is linked to yours...
who can make you smile by just being there...
where every little sentiment is glorified manifold...
you are my miracle...
the wait is over...
and here you are...
and i ain't going to let go...
not now...
not ever...
this is to a 'forever'
forever and ever...
and while there is no sunshine...there is you...
while there is no hope... there is you...
while there is no happiness... you create some...
where there is no light... your my tunnel of hope...
this is to the most beautiful soul i have ever known...
for you i trust in...
for you are you...
my princess...
forever!

Lost

sometimes...
just sometimes...
i wonder...
about the outcome of it all...
who are we?
who are you?
what is our identity?
what is yours?
are you culture specific only...
do you like interaction...
why so socially alienated...
stagnated...
today i sit here...
a grown man...
made to realize that it wasn't rosy after all...
that those streets aren't safe anymore...
that i really don't know my own neighborhood anymore...
that there are those amongst us...
who would kill...
absolutely anyone...
regardless...
what drives them?
what controls them?
what are their aspirations?
what do they strive for?
how did they end up doing this?
taking away innocent lives...
targeting foreigners...
basic criteria being your nationality and your identity being your passport...
so now we are what our documents state we are from...
ruddy brilliant...
sarcasm has always been my forte but i am a little lost for words here...
there is no essay...
no emotion...
no expression...
that can ever justify terrorism...
that can ever justify taking away lives...
of someone's mother...
someone's son...
someone's wife...
the list goes on...
the world today functions like a chess board...
and the pendulum swings spontaneously...
why is this such a tit for tat fight?
why don't we ever learn from our primal past?
just when you thought you were advancing rapidly into the new technological paradigm...
you realize that you have never been so backward...
tonight i will be up... wondering...
about what human beings are capable of...
and how they channel their capabilities...
and how horrendous humans are truly capable of being...
this is to the sweet souls out there...
you need to voice your opinions and ensure that you overwhelm the evil around you...
for this world needs people who can unite us...
for we are lost...
very very...
LOST!

MINE!

it's been a long time since i last connected with myself...
a long time since i vented out...
shared a moment...
held a hand...
looked in the eyes...
nurtured her soul...
pestered her...
endlessly...
chatted her up...
and spend the better half of the night wondering...
how i ever got so lucky...
it's amazing how she can still make me smile...
she's nameless...
i barely know her...
but she resides...
deep down...
threatening...
that someday she will be back...
FOR GOOD!
we have our little escapades...
where i am tormented by my own existence...
but then you learn...
to assuage your fears...
and grapple with who you are...
she makes you a better person...
completes you...
and yet what if you were too scared to go on...
and you let go...
this is to moments...
those moments...
when you look back and wish...
just WISH...
and wonder...
what could have been...
sometimes we can all be lonely...
we can be prone...
scared...
that no one really listens...
that no one really cares...
and just then...
she makes up for everything...
justifies every tormented moment you spent chatting up your soul...
this is to you...
for i know...
deep deep down...
that you will be...
MINE...

the dilemmas...

of broken dreams...
of broken hearts...
of moments gone by...
of moments that never really were...
this is to those unspoken souls...
who toil aimlessly...
feeding on their misery...
wasting away...
who have limited access to life...
who serve...
who are harrassed and bullied...
made to forget that they too belong to our race...
those are our unspoken heroes...
who honestly make the world go round...
who pamper you...
who are on the receiving end of the brunt...
always smiling...
never daring to wish...
thankful...
who know not what lodging a complaint is...
who dare not stand out...
or be different God forbid...
for whom, three meals are a luxury they cannot comprehend...
we live amongst them...
but are we blind?
have we lost our souls?
are they the ones really suffering?
is money the only objective left?
we turn to the higher echelon when we are troubled...
but only then...
so who are we?
did we lose our perspective...
where there is no honor amongst thieves...
where the biggest bullies are indeed the most revered if not respected...
is this who we are?
why?
i am ashamed...
of who i am...
of what i stand up for...
of what i SHOULD stand up for...
someday...
i will stand up...
this is to courage...
to pioneers who dared to be different...
who never overlooked their principles...
sometimes taking the easy way out is a gross mistake...
this is to peace...
i do not want more wars...
we are ravaged enough as it is...
our soul is all but lost...
let's make a difference...
so stand up...
because that is the only way to live...
this is to my dilemma...

maybe i am a mummy daddy ;)

it has been so long since i actually wrote something meaningful...
i've gotten so used to the flurry of activity inside...
how it is so hard to grapple and address yourself...
those overflowing thoughts...
sometimes it can be such a challenge penning down each and everyone of them...
and what about those countless thoughts that were victims of being lost in translation?
there is this overwhelming sense of urgency...
it's always the same old routine...
the innate fascination with nature...
of nocturnal preferences...
always asking... questioning why!
it is easy to smile... never thought i'd say it... but it can be so much harder grappling with the plain truth...
there it is...
like it but can't seem to leave it because it will always hound you...
the way to tranquility has to be via truth...
is that the only path though?
restlessness has taken over me...
the vibrancy...
those inherent dreams...
the motivation to be...
to stand up...
deliver too if i can...
to a professional world...
where there are no slips...
where there are no explanations or prior warnings...
no parents to govern you...
i always wanted it like this... but do i?
i miss being accountable to my parents...
miss those rants and sessions with dad...
miss being treated like a stupid kiddo...
it's hard embracing all those changes...
a part of me still clings to the belief that one day my mom will pack my lunch and drop me off to school...
did it have to pass me by so quickly...
this is to my parents...
for always believing in me...
and equipping me with the necessary tools to survive the carnage out there...
i love you mom, dad!!!

to the eyes...

there are...
always were...
deeply embedded...
yet always there...
brimming...
bustling...
ferociously kicking...
assuaging my deepest fears...
sheltering me...
cascading...
my dreams...
inhibitions...
the bestest of friends...
for reminding me...
that there always will be...
a tomorrow...
a beautiful dawn...
light...
and here i am...
standing at that juncture...
called life...
its bustling...
robust...
all around me...
enveloping me...
for all those days that seemed like they would never end...
for all the moments that you thought would always hound you...
for where there is heat there is cold...
for where there is hopelessness there are dreams...
for where there is death there is birth...
for where there is stench there is a scent...
reeling...
the scene of life...
the perfume of hope...
for amongst the buildings...
the grandeur...
the landscape...
the meandering river...
the heroin peddlers...
the gory reminders...
the reminiscent red light...
there is a glimmer...
of hope...
of dreams..
of aspirations...
of the soul...
of the magnificemt...
of just what we can do...
of what the human mind is capable of...
of what we have achieved and will...
this is to pretty eyes...
which never belie...
always reflecting the truth...
regardless of how corrupt we may be...
the purity in them stays...
while they perform and communicate the most visual images...
playing tricks at times...
making the truth appear jumbled and pronouncing the lies and yet...
there they are...
never ceases to amaze me...
just how integral they are...
and how disconnected i would feel...
if there was a vacuum...
just darkness...
would i ever experience the thoughts that i do now...
and as i gaze down...
watching...
i know...
that there are greater things coming...
this is to those who believe...
in themselves...
in their friends...
in those cherished moments...
knowing that one day...
they will be back...
this is to individuals who persevered...
for they are the real winners...
and i gaze at the rain...
my eyes glimpsing...
for somewhere deep down...
i want to do the rain dance...
freeing myself...
this is to dances...
in the rain...
and there is that trademark smile...
thank you for always managing to smile...
back to work...

whistles

amidst the hubble and the hush hush...
walking by...
loitering really...
being ushered into a new realm...
lamenting...
the long walk...
the steamy conversations...
the eloquent verbose moments...
those pregnant pauses which never cease to fascinate...
there you are...
somewhere...
waiting...
i walk past...
the noise...
the pandemonium and the mayhem...
to you...
for the skies are smiling...
and the heaven has opened its doors...
the starry lit night...
the satisfaction of a victory...
at the expense of a rival...
always...
for we are who we make of ourselves...
for the roads that we etch out with our own tardy hands...
for all the arenas that we gain access to...
never looking back...
always thrusting forward...
inertia powering us...
to a reality that is sometimes unbelievable...
because...
it is yours...
and mine...
and you know that is where you belong...
to a good life...
and i walk ahoy whistling(or trying to).

to me

moments...
some bad...
some adequate...
some eloquent...
some teasing...
pestering...
luring...
this is to life...
to these very moments...
which make you delve in...
redefining...
always!
this is to memories...
always sweet...
never condescending...
never judging...
putting a smile right back...
for i survive...
as the young couple glide by...
i smile...
for i know...
i made it...
i did!!!
this is to me.

the way i am...

happiness...
this is a tale...
of love and hate...
of life and death...
of war and peace...
of above and beyond...
moments till eternity...
some pranced with, some dwelt upon, some experimented upon...
of interaction...
of humane and inhumane...
of sane and insane...
of rational and irrational...
of me and you...
a tale...
of an embrace...
of a moment...
forever preserved...
two souls entwined and engraved...
for those are unique...
scent of the wind won't be the same...
of rain when it caresses mother earth...
of virgin tranquility...
of a glitzy past, a glittery present...
and of grandeur...
of majestic moments...
amidst the peaks, the sea side, the lakes...
there you dwell...
scampering around...
the gorgeous gait restored...
the smile restored...
the pearly smile...
the petiteness...
you will be remembered...
for all the moments...
for the hugs...
i may not know where you dwell...
i may not know how...
or even why...
but i do know that i will always remember...
so thank you...
for admitting me into your microcosm...
and i will be there...
peering inside...
the empty vacuum painfully reminding me...
the teasing scent...
the whiff...
as the sun sets...
sometimes it can be hard...
sometimes night can be painfully reminiscent...
but i will walk away...
happier...
for that is the only way i know...

laughter...

there he was...
standing...
glimpsing...
condensing his experiences...
knowing...
crying...
the darkness enveloping...
the plight of a soul lost...already...
remnants of a glorious past...
the pearly laughter is long gone...
the hair has lost its sheen...
there he is... trodden...
lifeless...
never to breathe...
the dream is gone...
there i stand...
watching...
a mere ghost...
a figment of my own imagination...
you will be missed friend...
farewell to thee...
and yet you learn to live...
against your will...
unknowingly...
accepting fate...
cheering life on...
for tomorrow promises to bring him...
in another life...
in another parallel universe...
and there will be...
reincarnation...
knowingly...
i walk by... laughing...

a dream...

plight of a new dawn...
sanctimonious beginnings...
of glory and pride...
of days gone by...
of broken promises...
and lands far far away...
there lies...
a dream...
within our microcosms...
gurgling...
hypnotic tango...
tantalizing tantamount moments...
of pain and suffering...
of fury and flight...
there lies a dream...
a dream to dream...
to be...
to pursue and prosper...
a dream to witness a new dawn...
to chalk one out...
to paving ways and destiny itself...
imprisoning time...
defecting from the evil...
from the enemy within...
this is to beliefs...
our norms...
our values...
our societal existence...
to scary moments...
suicidal insinuations...
a way out...
but life is a dream itself...
and it takes winners to realize it...
to be...
to stand erect...
battle hardened...
this is to believers...
to fighters...
who were...
who are...
and who will always be...

to a night...

of friends and foes...
about life and death...
about love and hate...
pleasure and despair...
of thieves and philanthropists...
of lovers and foes...
there it is...
just there...
sometimes hither...
sometimes thither...
of by gone opportunities...
of lonesome times...
times when nothing seems right...
feels right...
is right...
when differentiation into categories is impossible...
when delving into the reality is complicated...
when the nights and the days are similar...
the moon and the sun look alike...
when the noise is unfathomable...
the quiet moments and the tranquility bygone...
times to make decisions...
to move on...
to stand up...
to be...
to believe...
to fulfill the prophecies...
to not make any sense except to yourself...
to sit amidst the mountains staring at the vast galaxy calling out...
to a night as beautiful as tonight...
i sit...
staring within...
asking...
questioning...
never answering...
and yet somewhere down there...
there is...
there always was...
there always will be...
and for that instance...
that beautiful moment...
i move on...
looking past the pain...
knowing that they will be there...
all of them...
standing by...
believing...
to a beautiful night...
there will be others...
never like this...
for every moment is unique...
precious and priceless...
substantiative and resonating...
i will be...
THERE!!!

rendezvous of the soul...

the smiles...
the teary departures...
the reincarnations...
warm summers...
sultry...
seductive...
suggestive...
the rendezvous...
happiness...
smiles...
tearful...
innocent...
naive...
unconditional love...
meandering stream of thoughts...
coherent...
cohesive...
unadulterated...
here i am...
microcosm in a brobdingnagian universe...
endless...
the phenomenon of life...
of breaths...
of memories...
distant and yet so near...
the delineating boundaries...
simultaneous...
sometimes even i don't quite follow my drift and yet it is beautiful...
awe aspiring...
pulchritudinous...
there i stand...
learning...
smirking...
knowing...
that someday...
there will be...
me...
and till then...
let the music flow...
let the words randomly form a symmetry of their own...
at peace with eachother...
somethings we can't do...
and yet it is all around us...
the perfection...
the depth...
the innateness...
this is to friendships...
old and new...
raw and proven...
beyond any constraints...
loyalties...
promises...
laugh...
before it's too late...
hug before it's too late...
love if you can...
for love heals...
and i will too...
today and forever...
this is to you...

the search...

those breaths...
the whispers...
the lullabies...
the usherings...
the coaxing...
the meandering facets...
moments...
or eternity...
pristine...
divine...
heavenly...
caresses...
gentle...
soulful...
fulfilling...
seductive...
sinful...
there you are...
with me...
far...
distant...
looming...
suggestive...
and yet...
i look...
somewhere around...
in the air...
amidst the raindrops...
as they gently torment my skin...
i feel your presence...
looming...
somewhere amidst the shadows...
smiling...
lingering moments...
teasing...
somewhere down the road i lost my sanity...
discovered sanity...
lost it again...
and now i am a sane lunatic...
innocent convict...
the fulfillment is no more...
and yet...
there is a glimmer...
beckoning...
i walk a lonely road...
tormenting the soul...
and yet i keep moving...
for there will be a dawn...
for there will be hope...
for someday...
you will decide to drop by...
conventional and yet challenging...
cacooning me...
sheltering...
protecting...
arching over...
and till then...
the search will continue...

MINE

phenomenon of a revolution...
revolution of a process...
cognition of a unit...
meshing in of a system...
silence...
dearth...
murky pasts...
hazy subliminal future...
present concerns...
alacrity of beings...
various stakeholders...
the vicious circle...
the guillotinal pendulum...
this is it...
or is it?
while there is passion there is strength...
for where there is love there is hatred...
where there is racism there is multiculturalism...
where there is pain there is happiness...
where there is ecstasy there is bliss...
where there are back stabbers there are parents...
where there is no one there ALWAYS is a someone...
somewhere...
looking out...
noticing...
your subtleties...
thinking...
brandishing...
ceremoniously harbinging...
resonance of a life within a life...
sometimes giving up is not it...
sometimes it pays to be tough...
to believe in thyself...
for where there will be darkness there will be light...
for where there is a dark abyss there is a miracle...
a miracle of creation...
of life...
of conformity...
of norms...
of sweet havens...
of you and me...
of lovers...
there we are...
there i am...
we are all out there...
and sometimes...
it doesn't take much to reach out...
to share...
to broach...
to allay and quell...
for somewhere...
the wheel churns...
what goes around will come around...
and thus...
i smile knowingly...
for i have known smile...
as a tool...
to shade myself...
now i shall sleep...
peace prevails...
noise prevails...
the birds signal...
the clouds mingle...
and right there...
a new life begins...
a new beginning...
second chances...
a couple holds hands...
i walk by smiling...
KNOWING!
for tomorrow...
it shall be me...
for tomorrow...
will be mine!

The moments...

submission...
the art...
the soul...
the physical indulgence...
the act...
be it prayer...
be it music...
be it science...
be it art...
defining the essence of life...
it's like a flash...
and then...
NOTHING!
all gone in a blink...
life...
the phenomenon...
the beauty from up there...
amidst the skies...
flanked by angels...
surrounded by horizons...
there it is...
whiz...
and it's over...
is it a blessing...
a curse...
remnants of a shoddy existence...
or the path to tranquility...
from now...
to now...
life prances...
warming the congealed blood...
functioning...
fueling us...
reinvigorating us to follow...
the quest...
for?
is it?
am i?
will we?
do i?
how?
where though?
within?
outside?
and at the end...
if you can smile...
if life taught you to...
your a winner...
in that defining moment...
when a mother gives birth...
when a bee returns home for honey...
when a salmon gives birth and dies for it...
life is there to be witnessed...
in all it's grandeur and beauty...
and tomorrow...
would be a new horizon to witness...
a new goal...
this is to those who live...!!!

the wait...

there are still moments...
when you breathe down on me...
when i can feel your presence...
lingering down...
sweeping me in you...
there you are...
never too close...
and yet so near...
remember those times...
when i'd sweep you...
play with your tussled hair...
and feel like i owned the world...
now...
there is sadness...
there is darkness...
the niche ain't lighting up my world...
the microcosm ceases to be...
there are times when i cease to exist...
perhaps merely a spectator of my own destiny...
shadowing my very moves and yet the essence...
lost...
somewhere...
faraway...
now...
i walk...
atleast i am learning to...
to standup...
i wonder...
the worth of every life...
the value placed on the souls...
the plight of the young ones...
the wail of the widows...
pain and plight...
of the poor...
ALWAYS...
here i am...
yielding...
to a world i know not...
to principles i perceive not...
to a culture i believe not...
identity...
was it always a farce?
am i the possessed or the possessor?
am i the persecuted or the persecutor?
the tormented or the tormentor?
sometimes...
i know not...
and this is why the journey goes on...
but something deep down trembles...
for all is not lost...
where there is night...
there will be a new dawn...
and thus i wait...

Life

compartmentalisation...
sometimes i feel that one has to step outside the box...
give Monsieur Logic and Frau Common Sense a break...
it is sad when people forget to breathe...
the art of living...
of being happy and forwarding it to those who need it the most in the happiness chain
the little boy in Africa...
the little orphan in Afghanistan...
the elongated and devastated mother in Iraq...
rationale...!
it exist?
where? who decides that?
imagine if there is no light at the break of dawn...
imagine that the taps of the world run dry...
scarcity of the basic ameneties we have always taken for granted...
there is draught...
mother earth is sad and violated...
she sounds her trumpets and it thunders...
she can't cry and the rivers dry up...
paralysed and thus no crops...
there we are...
the being who thinks its always about them...
tonight there is no night...
there is no tomorrow...
there never was a yesterday and there will be no today..
farce...
dicey...
and yet something feels right...
deep down in the bosom there is still warmth...
there are stirrings...
impatient and yet passionate...
the yearning and the drive...
the vigor and the mercurial vapors to succeed...
something keeps propelling the belief systems...
to believe in the light...
to rise up and dream...
it all sinks in...
coincidences i'd think not...
touche or dejavu...
left or right...
east or west...
i seek...
and yet someone somewhere far away makes me alter my beliefs...
someday i'd tell her...
till then...
i will express...
of the woebegone times...
of the old and the foolish...
of youth and volatility...
somewhere by a street light...
i'd be standing...
waiting to make dreams with you...
tonight i escape...
to the dazed passages of slumber...
the conquest begins...
and while someone somewhere will lose a life...
many more will be borne...
fortunes will be made...
fortunes would be plundered...
the wheel of life would continue...
there will be rainbows...
there will be storms...
tsunamis and hurricanes...
monsoons and snowfalls...
and life would go on...
so will we...
this is to life...
and to someone who makes it more holistic...
to life...

a lingering presence...

the atrociousness...
the cruelty...
the sarcasm...
the contradictions...
the fumes...
the fear...
or the alacrity of it...
there i am...
standing...
silently watching...
the pattering continues...
demi gods smile down...
still standing...
miracle...
like a conception...
pure and pristine...
there she is...
the air seems to be wary...
gently stroking her hair all the time...
i stand and watch...
a lifetime of memories seem to bog me...
solitude or engagements...
peace or discord...
bravery or cowardice...
nothing matters...
nothing makes sense...
it does in a nonsensical way...
but which way is that way...
boggled i stand...
should i?
would i?
will i?
a lingering smile preps up...
the beauty of the moment is captured by eternity and packaged by vacuum...
it feels like it...
the real deal...
tis been so long since i last checked...
tonight this angel will lighten up my discords...
tonight is the night...
the galore...
the gentle shake of the head...
the flippant uppity walk which makes you fall into a trance...
this is to someone special...
who makes me want to...
to...
to be...

THE LAST MAN STANDING...