My heart beats like a drum.

I know it has been long. I know it has been a long time coming. I know I have been a slave to the world. We all are in our own quaint ways because the alternative is living in the jungle all by ourselves, pooping by the stream OR NOT, you may require the fodder for the sake of fertilisation among other things. HA HA HA. I know when I am being funny.

But the great news is that I am back and there is just so much that has happened over a rather short space of time. Life has a wonderful way of surprising oneself, WHEN WE LEAST EXPECT IT!

So I have been busy reminiscing on so many events and so many charming, heart warming memories about people. It's always about people isn't it? I don't pay my respects and kudos to my samsung Note 5 even though it is one deserving device indeed. (Except when it comes back on after a cold boot). I recalled this one time in the year 2011 when I used to work in Islamabad and was taking a taxi from my work back home in Rawalpindi. I was working on a Sunday and the hours were bloody nonsensical as we had to work with the American markets so I was the chosen zombie for the prestigious role. And I like to think I always see the glass half full FYI.

So that day after a year of toiling in that nocturnal role, I was on the ends of my wit. It happens to the best of us so please don't give me that surprising stare. Only the rock looked good with the raised brow anyways. LOL. I was cursing my stars because lucky me couldn't even find a taxi in the wee hours of the morning and it honestly felt like mother nature was playing quaint tricks to ensure that I felt more miserable than usual.

So there I was standing and waiting for ANYTHING on wheels to turn up and indeed I finally did find a nice taxi. The guy was from Abbotabbad so I reminisced with him about my lovely memories of the city and how I loved visiting it as a kid. I was lucky to have visited that picturesque town on various occasions and was reminded of the wonderful tasty water, the warm people, the afghani restaurant which served the best cooked rice in the world among other things. The driver told me he was new to the city and was hoping that he would be able to do well in this new role even though he obviously missed the mountains. You could see the glint in his eyes as he reminisced on his home town and it made me feel guilty for no odd reason as to why people are forced to leave their homes for a chance of a better livlihood.

Oddly enough, I was in his shoes quite literally having lived in Frankfurt, Hamburg, Bremen and Lahore before coming to Islamabad. The ride was long but felt rather short-lived as we hit it off and I was feeling a wee bit better about myself in the process. Human interaction always does that to me alongside my choice of music. NOT YOURS! HMPH.

I reached home and the guy refused to charge fare but for economic reasons I made him realise that friends or not, he had to make a living and feed his family. This is precisely why he moved?! I was sleepy as hell but somehow one thing or another ensured that I wasn't able to sleep for the next couple of hours when lo and behold, I suddenly needed my phone for food delivery. Being a bachelor back in the days ensured that you never made any food EVER. Yes I am indeed one of those rotten kind of men who are too lazy to ever bother heading to the kitchen. I am sure that is some sort of genetic mutation in the very least. Bottom line : WHEN IN DOUBT, BLAME THY ANCESTORS in the very least. HA HA HA. Told ya I was funny INNIT?

Hunger was bad enough and the blood sucking realisation that my beloved apple manufactured original as ever white iphone was amiss was of little consolation. I tried and tried finding it and came to the wretched conclusion that it was gone forever as I had forgotten it in the taxi. I had skype credit and managed to finally think things through and call on my number after what felt like eternity staring blankly at the walls.

BUT...

No one picked up. The guy must be a thief. He was all talk Hasan. This is how the world is these days! You kidding me! You should not even bother and think about blocking your SIM idiot.

One more try couldn't hurt. Let's redial for my own heart's sake! AND...

The guy PICKED UP! The moment he did, he firstly apologised without knowing who it was that this wasn't his phone and when he realised it was me, he apologised again for not knowing how touch screen phones worked. He then told me that he was already on his way back and that the phone had not been found by him but another passenger who took his taxi after me.

SUCH IS LIFE. Such is the actual brutal ground-breaking reality. The taxi driver who I had made an acquaintance of for merely a half an hour returned back to give me my brand new iphone. And that was the day I though that humanity had gone astray and there was no hope for fellow man.

I never quite managed to keep his number or remain in touch. I know I suck! But I treasure this memory. I treasure that soul. And I was at a loss of words when he did return. I tried giving him some money to assuage my own bullshit and the need to 'FEEL GOOD' for thyself but that man was more of a gentleman than I gave him credit for clearly.

The lesson I took home that day was... YOU NEVER KNOW when your mind maybe blown by a complete stranger, just because you were half-decent to him/her. You never quite know the impact that one word of yours may make on someone else's life and consequently their dreams.

So do your bit and don't break someone's spirit for God may break yours. And that's only fair.

Love you all. That felt good! GOOD GOOD GOOD!

Thank you my lovely taxi driver for making me smile after all these years. May you remain blessed and away from all prying eyes and be more successful than all the rest of us.

Time tells...

And this is precisely where I found myself. The more you do the lesser it seems. The more you sacrifice, the lesser it counts. How and where we are today is something which is nothing short of absolute anarchy. It is supposed to be normal for a society to have absolutely no security cover whatsoever to speak of. A society etched in the tenets of capitalism and the need for material objects to keep one busy. How did we end up here? When did the objective change to MONEY?

Being a part of this society has never been so difficult. The words have never tasted so bitter. The misery has never been this heightened. Is this the end or just the beginning? Only time will tell...

Rekindling an old love

It has been so long since I last wrote something. And yet there is a piece of me that feels dead. In order to rejuvenate that particular side to myself, I have decided to keep penning my thoughts down to myself. I don't care whether I am my only audience. This feels right. For there is no better way to interact with oneself and to explore ones emotions like this. The exploration of thought and the journey that one embarks on is absolutely spectacular. More so is the fact that one misses being whoever we are with ourselves. For there is absolutely no guile and no pretense and that is something truly cherish-able indeed. Welcome back Hasan Rizwan!

ode to change

I always knew...
knew that everything changes...
that nothing ever remains the same...
that time is on its side only...
and yet I dreamed...
dreamed that one day...
everything would fall in place...
that there will be smiles...
moments of tenderness and love...
but how do you explain distance?
how do you explain disparaging lives?
when do you stop?
what makes you stop?
was it even a stop?
when do you start reflecting?
On your own self?
those decisions?
the resulting outcomes...
for life is an ode too...
for this rain will patter...
it patters for you...
but tomorrow it would be someone else's...
and yet here i am...
sitting and wondering...
what makes it click?
I still believe...
that tomorrow is alive...
that tomorrow is waiting...
that tomorrow is looking...
to take over my today...
for tomorrow i will dance...
for tomorrow it will rain...
for tomorrow i shall feast...
for tomorrow i shall shout...
for tomorrow...
it all starts again.
it always does!

the truth...

this time it's special...
this time it's real...
this time it all adds up...
it makes sense...
it's in the air...
the flowers seem to contain it...
the grass hums its own tune...
the birds have never been more melodic...
the trees never greener...
i hear it all around me...
the air whispers it in my ears...
the smile of a stranger suddenly makes sense too...
uncanny really how everything is in complete harmony...
the sky couldn't be bluer either...
and here i am...
in the midst...
at the epicenter...
with a certain someone...
who makes me want to conquer the world...
who makes me want to believe...
who makes me love...
makes me want to be a better person...
be the man i should be...
there are times when i can't seem to tell you...
all these things...
times when i don't quite comprehend the magnitude of what we have...
the scope of our involvement...
the depth of our love...
but i have never felt more secure...
never really wanted to step it up...
to take control...
to tackle and move on...
to stand up...
embrace...
and just be...
for now i can...
because the sun shines with all its glory...
the moon reminds me of you...
this is to a certain someone...
who has made me forget...
everything...
who has healed...
who has reminded me...
the essence of life...
of what it entails...
and i don't ever want to live in a parallel paradigm...
for this is where i belong...
for this is who i am...
for this is where i want to be...
for this is me...
and while all this happens...
all i can say is...
I love you Salwa...
i do...i do...i do...
for what we have is true...
nothing more...nothing less...
Thank you for everything babes!

To Salwa

just sometimes...
you are at a loss...
a loss of words...
a loss of sentiments...
a loss of compassion...
a loss of love...
and yet there you are...
beats me where you came from...
how you dug me out...
how you decided to extend your hand...
and yet...
there is something so amazing about you...
the way you are...
the way you make me feel...
the way it feels so complete...
the way i feel so secure...
it's amazing knowing that you aren't vulnerable...
that there is someone out there...
who's heart skips a beat...
who's heartbeat is linked to yours...
who can make you smile by just being there...
where every little sentiment is glorified manifold...
you are my miracle...
the wait is over...
and here you are...
and i ain't going to let go...
not now...
not ever...
this is to a 'forever'
forever and ever...
and while there is no sunshine...there is you...
while there is no hope... there is you...
while there is no happiness... you create some...
where there is no light... your my tunnel of hope...
this is to the most beautiful soul i have ever known...
for you i trust in...
for you are you...
my princess...
forever!

Lost

sometimes...
just sometimes...
i wonder...
about the outcome of it all...
who are we?
who are you?
what is our identity?
what is yours?
are you culture specific only...
do you like interaction...
why so socially alienated...
stagnated...
today i sit here...
a grown man...
made to realize that it wasn't rosy after all...
that those streets aren't safe anymore...
that i really don't know my own neighborhood anymore...
that there are those amongst us...
who would kill...
absolutely anyone...
regardless...
what drives them?
what controls them?
what are their aspirations?
what do they strive for?
how did they end up doing this?
taking away innocent lives...
targeting foreigners...
basic criteria being your nationality and your identity being your passport...
so now we are what our documents state we are from...
ruddy brilliant...
sarcasm has always been my forte but i am a little lost for words here...
there is no essay...
no emotion...
no expression...
that can ever justify terrorism...
that can ever justify taking away lives...
of someone's mother...
someone's son...
someone's wife...
the list goes on...
the world today functions like a chess board...
and the pendulum swings spontaneously...
why is this such a tit for tat fight?
why don't we ever learn from our primal past?
just when you thought you were advancing rapidly into the new technological paradigm...
you realize that you have never been so backward...
tonight i will be up... wondering...
about what human beings are capable of...
and how they channel their capabilities...
and how horrendous humans are truly capable of being...
this is to the sweet souls out there...
you need to voice your opinions and ensure that you overwhelm the evil around you...
for this world needs people who can unite us...
for we are lost...
very very...
LOST!